002 - The phone. The phone is ringing.

[worstvikingever]

[Hiccup has found the phone.

He has no idea what it is of course, so he's basically playing around with it until YOUR PHONE RINGS or something idek and he ends up accidentally making a call.]

What... is this thing?

[The voice is slightly distant, as if he's holding the receiver away from him... which he is, actually. He's holding it up and looking at it.]

I can't even tell what it's made of.

[Other such comments persist. You might want to interrupt him before he breaks open the thing to figure out how it works.

Residents of his house can interrupt him with action, but all others are phone calls.]

Comments

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

It's a personal handheld operator notification exchanger. A P.H.O.N.E. Are you dense? What year are you from?

[worstvikingever]

Uh... I don't think my years match up with other peoples' years.

[He clears his throat nervously.]

Pretty much everything in the house is completely new for me.

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

Speak up, boy. Are you even holding it right? The cord goes down.

[A melodramatic sigh.]

I'm to be the welcome wagon, am I? You'd best learn quickly or you'll find yourself in a world of hurt come February.

[worstvikingever]

The cord goes down?

Oh. Okay. I think... okay. And your voice is coming through this end, which probably means this is where I speak into?

[Now he's at a normal volume.]

Er... well. You don't have to be a welcome wagon if you don't want to. I've been here a couple days already. It's a lot to get used to, yeah, but I'm getting the hang of it. I think.

...and what's wrong with February?

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

My dear boy, [yeah like that's not sarcastic at all....] I am an ergaleomancer. It's my duty to assist the people. Even if I have discovered that it's rather distasteful work. I'll explain what I can, but I warn you, I'm not in the habit of speaking simply, so you'll have to keep up.

Are there any gaps in your comprehension of this place?

And February holds another holiday. Things go haywire around here when the holidays come.

[worstvikingever]

[He sighs, a bit exasperated. If the help's going to be sarcastic why bother? But info is info.]

Well if I'm still learning about the place, how am I supposed to know if there's gaps or not?

Although the holiday thing is sounding like a pretty big one.

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

Do you know what a calendar is?

[worstvikingever]

Yeah, sure. And I know what holidays are, but I'm pretty sure my holidays are pretty different from the holidays here.

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

A bit later, go find the calendar. Look on it to see what holidays are mentioned. I couldn't begin to say what will happen on any of them--generally it's unpredictable and that seems to be partially the point. To keep us guessing and unsettled.

Generally? They're dangerous. I personally like to prepare by setting up the basement as a fortified shelter and stocking it with nonperishable food, water, and weapons~.

Which brings me to another point. Death is meaningless here~. [And that sounds like it gives her quite a bit of glee.]

[worstvikingever]

That... sounds pretty serious.

Wait, you mean like no one cares if someone dies? That's pretty cruel.

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

I mean no one stays dead. Try it~. Commit suicide, you'll just wake up back in bed, same as you did when you first arrived. Once you get over your fear, it's quite the adrenaline rush~.

[worstvikingever]

[There's silence as he processes this.

Then he replies very evenly and very seriously.]

No thanks, I think I'll pass.

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

Suit yourself~. Just bear it in mind if you're about to be murdered--you'll come back the next day, so don't give in! [She giggles, sounding a bit unbalanced, but at least genuine.]

I've died over a hundred times here~.

[worstvikingever]

I... okay.

Good for you?

[Getting increasingly freaked out by this conversation.]

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

Now then. People die over the holidays; that's common. You get used to it~.

Don't drink the milk.

Are you human?

[worstvikingever]

I uh... haven't been. It gets thrown out every morning.

And yeah, I'm human. Why, are you not?

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

I am. Not everyone else is. My Darling could break a human being in half with one hand~. But that saves me explaining something else. Or at least somewhat. Everyone has everything taken away from them when they get here. Including, non-humans have their non-human-ness taken from them, unless they're close enough to animals that the drones see them as pets.

Anything that makes you you is gone--scars, tattoos, old injuries, everything's been stripped in order to make you fit the setting they've imagined for us.

[worstvikingever]

...yeah, I got some of that first-hand.

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

Well, don't worry. You'll have everything restored to you...eventually. Generally after a holiday, you're rewarded for your continued participation in this town's sadistic little games with a treat from home.

Of course if you've an old injury, it may not be as much of a 'treat' as one would like~.

[worstvikingever]

...wait so they're just going to take my leg away again? Seriously?

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

Eventually~. They took my knee. At least if you don't do something stupid, [There's an implied "like I did" hanging in her sentence there.] it should go back to how it was, rather than needing to heal.

When they took my knee, I was a bloody mess and nearly died~.

[worstvikingever]

[Silence again.]

Stupid like what.

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

You can go to the town post office and request something from home; sentimental, an ability, anything at all, really, as long as it isn't other people. There's just a small 'fee'....they tend to take it in flesh~.

[worstvikingever]

[The following is my attempt at writing down the sound of disgust that Hiccup makes at this.]

Bleeeeeeeugh!

I'll uh... avoid that then.

[ergaleomancer.livejournal.com]

Generally? That's my advice to people~.

Now, you've been here a bit...I trust you already know about drones and droning and who in this town to Not Bother...?